Wear Many Hats

There’s a tension I’ve been finding myself living in that I’ve been wrestling these last few days.

I like to wear many hats. What does that even mean?

The phrase literally means having different roles or tasks to perform. But shouldn’t I stick to one role? I am only one person. How can I have so many different callings or desires? Am I really being true to myself with all of these desires? How can the same person who wants to see One Direction in concert also want to help lead and equip women into the people God created them to be? Does that even make sense? How can we have so many joys in life? Is that okay? How am I being true to myself if I feel like I’m being 4 different people in one day? One moment I’m having a great time with the Lord, hearing a lot of great insights and the next I am with a group of people talking about what happened at work or school. It’s not that I don’t care about knowing what happened at work or school, but I just had an awesome conversation with the creator and that’s what I want to talk about. How do you balance all of these hats?

These are all questions I’ve been thinking about. A wise woman (my mother) told me this piece of advice that is incredibly true: give yourself permission to be you. Through that I’ve discovered that it is okay to be a Jesus-lover, music junkie, student, teacher, Cards fan, children’s minister, lover of home renovations, advocate for women in ministry and missions, etc. The reason I know this is okay is by looking at the characteristics and qualities of our God.

The same God who is a warrior is also joyful. The same God who is creative is also incorruptible. There are so many qualities of God. He is unchanging but always new. If the creator of the universe can have these different qualities with his people, then so can I.

This newfound revelation does not mean that I will stop living in the tension, but it helps knowing that I can just be me. It’s okay for me to have so many different passions, desires, or responsibilities. As long as I am loving people in the process and pointing back to greatness of the Jesus, it’s okay to wear to many hats. I’m incredibly aware that I am very different than most 21-year-olds, that’s okay. There’s a reason I have all these desires. And that’s okay, as long as I am true to those. I don’t want to morph into somebody I don’t want to be. That may mean losing friends, losing things I thought I wanted, etc. But that’s part of growing up. I am still figuring out who I am, what I like, which people I vibe with, what I want to do, etc.  Regardless of if I’m 21 or 81, being me is the realest thing I can leave on this earth while I am here.

How do you deal with all the hats you have? Please share!

Wordless

The last few weeks have been brutal.

Class, work, class, homework, staff meeting, work, class, MC, huddle, class, work, homework. You get the idea.

There has been absolutely NO time to rest and reflect (two things I need to survive and thrive). And in the midst of everything, I’ve been wordless. I usually have a million and one thoughts and ideas that I feel passionately to write about. But I’ve had nothing, nor I have I had the time or energy. Yes, the thoughts are in my head, but I don’t know how to say them.

I have really struggled with this because my heart’s desire is to share what I feel the Lord is teaching me. I always feel like the Lord is laying some topic on my heart. I always feel like there is something important he wants me to write about on my blogs, but not recently. For the first time in a long time, I have been left wordless. The phrase, “I just don’t know..” has been the phrase of my life these last few weeks. There are just so many things about life that I just don’t know. I don’t know what to think, do, or say. Let me just say that it has been incredibly humbling.

Before I sat down to write tonight, I was jamming out to my “ladies” playlist that I just created on Spotify. It’s a compilation of some of my favorite female artists who ROCK OUT. It’s good pump up music for sure. But as I was listening, I felt a strong urge to stop, take my headphones out, and write this blog in silence. I had the urge to write, even if I wasn’t really saying anything at all.

I felt God saying, “Angela, stop it. Stop trying to fill areas of your life that I am trying to fill. I want to prune you of the dark areas in your life and bring life to your soul. I want to share my heart with you and I want you to share that with others. Being selfish is easy, I want to challenge you. THINK OF SOMEONE ELSE OTHER THAN YOURSELF (yes I think God was yelling at me at this point). I know it’s hard to do because you want to take care of your needs, but I will do that. I want you to take care of someone else who has no hope. You have me, not everyone has me. Go show my people who I am, I will work through you. I give life and life to the full. I know trials are hitting hard in your life right now, friendships are going downhill, school and work are overwhelming, your body is sick, but I am greater than. Trust that I will sustain you. Ask for me each day. I want to give you strength when you have none, ask for it. Stop thinking you can handle it all. You can’t. But I love you anyway. I want your time and availability. Come to me, because I know you.”

The amazing thing is that when I am out of words, the Lord is not. When we are emptied of the things we think we need, we leave that space for God to do his thing. Let God do his thing in your life. Empty yourself of what you think you need so that God can fill that space with his glorious plan.

Lord, thank you for beautiful words that only come from your heart. I am amazed by your grace and love everyday.