With weddings happening all summer, it’s no surprise that marriage is a pretty fresh thing on my mind. Every wedding I went to this summer was fantastic in their own special way. I absolutely love being apart of this day, seeing two people come together in the name of God is incredible to me and models perfectly the way Christ married to the Church.

Even though this one day is so beautiful, it saddens me to think about the reality of marriage these days in our culture. When I stop and think about it, the sanctity of marriage is diminished more and more frequently. If I’m honest, I have my own fears about marriage. I recently heard about 3 couples who got divorced/separated because their spouses had been cheating on them throughout the whole marriage. WHAT?! Why does this freaking happen?? Why do people care more about their “needs” that they don’t even stop to think about how this might affect the one they’ve supposedly committed their life to. I seriously just don’t get it.

Obviously, people don’t walk into a relationship with the intent of cheating. So where do we fall? When do we cross that line? I can’t imagine the feeling when you find out someone who has been in your life for years has been cheating on you with someone(s) else the whole time. At what point do you realize that in your vows you said FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE.

Marriage isn’t a joke, a game, or a love fest 24/7. It’s a serious freaking commitment. You have to be willing to take chances and risks with each other but you also have to be willing to grow and change. You WILL change. They WILL change. It’s inevitable. But does that mean you split up just because the person you married is now suddenly “different”. I think not. Talk about the differences, communicate your needs but don’t smother each other. It’s always give & take. You have to take the good with the bad. It’s what you signed up for, isn’t it?

DISCLAIMER: marriage is not the wedding day, honeymoon, or constant PDA all the time. Don’t get me wrong, those seasons of a relationship are sweet and most definitely needed. Chemistry is important. But marriage is the everyday. It’s eating breakfast together, praying with each other each morning, going to work and coming home to share in each other’s days’. It’s quitting your job because your spouse got a promotion and has to move to Texas. It’s loving the in-laws even when they are so incredibly different from your own family. It’s sticking together when you find out your child has a terminal illness. I could go on for days. Ultimately, people are so messy. Lives are messy, you can’t have expectations, you have to go with the flow and constantly forgive each other. You have to have grace & mercy in your lives.

So why does marriage still scare me? Things always start off normal, but there seems to be a lull in the relationship where couples get bored of each other. I don’t want my husband to find something/someone else for what needs I can’t give him. THAT SCARES ME. Christian or not, people are still selfish and do whatever they want to get whatever “feeling” they think they need.

I know all of these things but I hope & pray that whoever I end up with, I actually end up with. Not just temporarily spend a few years together. I want to be with someone who has these same beliefs as me & sees life from this lens as well. All I can do is wait & expect that God is going to bring me someone who truly gets me down to the core of my soul and will stay committed to me through EVERY season of my life. I’m making the vow now that I most definitely will stay committed to him.


A Conversation

Hmm it’s been a while. I didn’t realize until I sat down just now, how much I missed writing & reflecting. Good for the soul.

Summer has been nutso. It always seems to end up that way, even though in your head you view summer as the fun, relaxing, care-free season. I guess as you age, summers are spent working and having responsibilities — yuck. But nonetheless, life is still good.

I realized today, though, that I spend my weekends cramming in friend time, family time, and quiet time to myself, all the while not really having many conversations with Jesus.

Lately, I’ve been inspired to redesign my room and ultimately many parts of my life because of my newfound desire to not hold myself back from the things think I should be and just go for the things I want to be. I am free to be who I am ( see my last blog “Freedom” for more details on that). In the midst of it all, exciting as it is to be inspired, I’ve not really asked Jesus, “who do you say I am? Who do you want me to be?”

This question struck me this morning and after praying and seeking him in this moment, I instantly came here to write about it. The phrase that hit me was, “just have a conversation with Jesus.” What is that? How can I converse with the creator of the universe without looking like an idiot just talking to “myself”? I have this picture of me laying down in my bed on this cozy Saturday morning and there he is. Sitting on my bed like any friend would, just chillin’. Having heart-to-hearts, cracking jokes, belly-laughing, talking about how we can change the world together, discussing the love he has for his people and how I should see them the way he does, etc.

This is the kind of Jesus I think we have. Someone who wants to sit down and meet us where we are. Literally. Today, it’s in the comfort of my home. Sometimes, it’s on the back porch or a coffee shop. Regardless of where I am, he just wants to meet me there. Sometimes he’s heavy on the spirit, while other times he’s heavy on the word. But I think having a conversation with Jesus is a mixture of reading his word and listening to his spirit.

You can’t do one without the other. Both are crucial in a conversation. There are specific things he wants to share just with me and there are things in his word that are still true today and are relevant in my life now. He wants to talk to me. He wants to know me.

A few weeks ago I was reading about him in Matthew 7: 21-23 —
“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’”

I never knew you. That sends chills down my spine. It reminded me that a relationship with Jesus is not one-sided. I must know him, which most people would say is true, but he must know me, too. Which is actually kind of awesome. Not only do I get to know the Creator but he gets to know me. He wants to know me. He wants to hear me, see me, love me, and teach me. That seems like a pretty sweet deal to know him. And according to Matthew’s account of Jesus, he doesn’t want me to just do and go all the time, even if it is in his name. He wants to sit down with me and know me.

Go have a conversation with Jesus today.