I don’t normally take selfies. Actually I don’t normally take pictures at all, but today I’m a bit more inspired than usual. Not that I need to give a reason, but I do feel this is worth sharing tonight.
Since May, I have been DESPERATELY trying to lose weight. Not as a fad or for fashion, but because it’s time to take care of my body. It’s time to think about the long term and not get caught up in delving in the “treats” of life everyday.
If you know me at all, you know how incredibly frustrating it has been to lose weight. I’ve never been active or cared about getting in shape until this last year. A part of it is for the clothes or fashion, but truthfully I just want to be comfortable in who God made me to be instead of holding back because I don’t think people like me since I’m so fat.
I’ve always known I was fat. Oh & before you go all, “Aww no you’re not, you’re beautiful. Don’t change!” Stop. I don’t need to hear that. I need to hear, “You’re beautiful, but your body is your dwelling place. Take care of it. Don’t put junk there. Don’t neglect it.” We are absolutely all beautiful and unique in our own ways, but that doesn’t mean we can’t take care of our bodies. I say this not to shame people who aren’t a size 2 but we can’t give ourselves excuses to a life of being inactive, lazy, and “treating” ourselves to foods that shouldn’t be in our bodies. Does that mean we can’t splurge? No, but we can’t have ice cream everyday.
Okay, you hopefully get the point. End rant. Moving on now.
The scale has absolutely never been my friend. In fact, my family didn’t even have one until about May of this year because we didn’t want to face the fate of that dreaded number that pops up when you step on. The number you want to define yourself as because it’s easier than saying, “oh no, God made me like this. It’s okay to be 185 lbs.” Being defined by the scale is so much easier to accept because it’s a concrete number. Like there it is. That’s it. That’s me. This number.
That is probably one of the worst things to accept. So instead of moping about how fat I was, I just got really determined instead. I don’t have to be that number. In fact, I know I’m more than a number but I can still work hard to get down to the 170s, 160s, 150s, 140s. Time to get workin’.
May came and went. Didn’t lost weight.
June came and went. Didn’t lose weight
July came and went. Lost 5 lbs.
August came and went. Lost about 5 more lbs.
September came and went. Lost about 5 more lbs.
FIVE months so far. 15 lbs. Those numbers don’t add up. That’s approximately 3 lbs a month. A MONTH. THIRTY DAYS.
My schedule for working out is 3-5 days of intense cardio for about 1hr 15mins. On the off days I do weights & abs. Something’s not right here. I’m stuck.
What am I doing wrong? UGH. I WANT PIZZA. Oh wait, no I don’t I want a salad. No, no I REALLY want pizza. Maybe I should eat tuna. Or veggies. ICE CREAM PLEASE.
This is my battle everyday. Food is a massive part in a healthy lifestyle. I know this, but I can’t seem to get it right. Why does losing weight take soooooooo long? I’ve been doing this for almost half a year and hardly anything has come of it. I feel like I’m waisting my time and energy.
But then sometimes you get little encouragements along the way like I had last night. I was looking through my phone at some old pictures and I came across a picture that I took in May right when all this started. And I noticed how round my face looked compared to the ones I had taken with friends last night. When I put the pictures side by side (left: May, right: last night), I realized, “wow I really have lost weight in my face.”
It may not seem like a big deal to most of you. It’s not this massive Biggest Loser transformation. But it’s something. And it was exactly what I needed to keep going. I’m definitely not finished and I want to keep going even though I know some weigh-ins will be better than others. (I weigh-in tomorrow & I already have a bad feeling after my food choices from this weekend). But sometimes you just need a glimmer of hope that what you’re doing is actually working. It’s just taking me a little longer (which is not something I like to deal with in this immediacy culture).
When I think about it, I’ve had this weight accumulating on me for the last 21 years & I expect it to melt off in 5 months. It may work for some people, but it just doesn’t work for me, unfortunately.
In the meantime, I will keep trucking on. Some workouts are boring, sometimes I’m totally not in the mood for a salad. But it’s those moments when you finally see results that you want to keep on keeping on.
If you’re in the losing weight club like myself & you’re struggling too, I hope this encourages you. DON’T GIVE UP. Talk to people about it, process new workouts, meal plans, etc. A healthy lifestyle isn’t just a fun little trend, it really helps the body & mind in the long run.
Keep making goals. We’ve got this.